(Forenote 11/3/2005: I wrote this over a year ago. Now I feel differently than this, although that is really how I felt at the time of writing this. I don't appear to feel this pain anymore, even though the problem I described has not changed. Why? Now I feel more in line with the materials I've described on my article "The Dilemma". I now feel that if this problem described in that Dilemma article can be resolved, the problem written in this Caveman article will be trivial to solve. And so my direction has been redirected towards a more powerful goal, I believe. I'll leave the article up, though, as a reminder of my path.)
First, as some background you should have read this page here: (Women Are In Control).
Its funny that people find it easier to say that males are less this, or less that, when in reality they weren't less for much of their lives, before it was taken away. And why was it taken away? Because of very selfish and bad choices by females over generations. People find hard to believe, but it's all true.
I hate having been turned into a caveman. Its an evil thing to be done to me. Being a caveman is not me. I don't "see me" when I look in the mirror, just some crude hairy ugly thing with bones poking out in my skull where they aren't meant to be (no not through my skin you know what I mean though). I used to "see me" when I looked in the mirror before I had those caveman changes happen to me, but now I don't.
I feel like I've been forced to live the rest of my life as a monster, when I used to be already an angel. And not through my own choice. And not through necessity.
Its not even necessary. Thats the worst bit. It doesn't help me in any way. I like being tall and strong and having a deep voice but I hate the bloody caveman-ness thats been forced onto me. And I say its not necessary because I know it's not. Not all races have this thing. Some oriental guys, and some native american or native south american males don't get so much or any caveman hair growing on them. They have testosterone just like me, why don't they have the hair?
I suppose their females were nicer, not choosing so cavemanly guys over generations. People often say how oriental females are nicer. So perhaps this is true not just in personality, but in their choices of partner.
Thats why I'm so interested in fantasy involving Elves. The Elven males are tall, strong and have deep voices, but they look graceful and refined and don't have caveman hair on them.
I hope females can be turned into cavewomen someday and have beards and a cavewoman skull because after all they tried to do it to me, and its nothing to do with me. Its not my spirit, my soul. Its ABSOLUTELY *NOTHING* to do with me.
I just hate hate hate hate hate it. It does hurt me, very badly. It takes the fun out of life. And life did used to be fun. How would a female like to spend the rest of your life with one arm cut off or some disability, after having spent 12 years healthy? Thats what it's like.
I don't think anyone will understand except anyone who could expect me to be alive. I guess thats the problem, most females don't think I have the right to be alive, to have a spirit thats alive, that wants to feel free and able to enjoy just being alive. I'm supposed to be some kind of spiritually dead slave, simply there for their selfish and self-obsessed pleasure.
I think most females have only a romantic love affair with themself. "Love" to their guy is just a ruse to get some*thing* to protect and provide for them.